I agree! If you are worried about hearing your child cry so that they can learn the beautiful gift and skill of sleep, that’s the NUMBER ONE reason you WANT to HIRE me!
In a video from our Coffee Talk series — “Special Ops” Ashley Coolen and I address one of the biggest concerns parents have when trying to find a solution to their child’s sleep struggles:
“I will not put him in his crib and let him cry it out.”
If you or someone you know sounds like the mom in this video, please share it with them– they are not alone. “We are against putting your baby in a crib, walking out the door, and leaving them alone to cry. That is NOT what we’re about.”
We are all tear-sensitive moms at Pam Nease Sleep, and we’ve each experienced similar challenges before implementing Pam’s loving, simple, practical, and FUN sleep strategies for our children.
Recently I asked my followers what was holding them back in improving their children’s sleep.
Here is an exchange between a wonderful Mom and myself. She is very well educated Mom/Prenatal Wellness Coach who I have been following on Twitter and Facebook for the past two years…
“I’ll be honest. I want nothing more than for Madison to be sleeping through the night but I have yet to find an approach I am comfortable with.
What’s holding me back is the belief that the child must be alone, and cry in their own room for a period of time and I’m not comfortable with that. I still want to co-sleep and breastfeed (heck we are in a one bedroom so don’t even have the option of her sleeping in her own room!). You asked and I felt inspired to answer. I want her to know I’ll always be there, and feel more comfortable being right by her side if she has a cry or is upset.”
“Thank you for sharing! It is so great to have you here. I have loved following your journey over the past two years thanks to Today I Ate A Rainbow! and Nannysitters. Kia and Christina are both friends of mine and they told me how great and inspiring you were.
I felt similar to you when I had my first son. I wanted to be able to breastfeed as long as possible and for him to know that I would ALWAYS be there for him no matter what. Our bond was so important to me and I did not want to do ANYTHING to jeopardize it.
I did try co-sleeping with him but I could not relax and sleep well. I was so worried all the time that I might roll over on him or that he might fall out of the bed. Instead, I ended up holding him in my arms and snoozing in the rocking chair. By day, I nursed him to sleep and then help him so that he could stay asleep. I also used tools such as the swing, the car seat and the stroller.
I am a very tear sensitive Mom and did not want to hear him cry. Many of my friends and family all recommended the CIO (cry it out) method and out of desperation, I admit it, I did try one day for his naps. It left me traumatized and I went back to rocking, nursing, holding him and doing whatever it took to help him to sleep. I searched for answers and tried various things to help him sleep better that did not involve leaving him to cry.
Then, while on vacation, I saw an old friend from High School and she told me about how she hired a professional to help her. It took a lot of convincing and a fateful night in a Hotel Room for my husband to agree.
Yes, it changed our lives. So much so, I asked her to train me in her methods so that I could help families like she helped me. Over the years, I have modified and improved my approach based on my client’s feedback and my own experiences with my children.
My son will be turning 7 years old next month. He still LOVES sleep after learning how when he was 5.5 months old.
Were there tears involved? Yes, unfortunately, there were. We were changing his habits rather than instilling them. When my daughter learned the beautiful gift and skill of sleep as a newborn, she was still exclusively breast-fed and there were no tears involved. We were instilling habits rather than changing them.
Did my son have to cry alone? Was it CIO? NO. We were asked to give him a few minutes so that he had opportunity to self-settle. We agreed on the number of minutes and then one of us went to be with him to offer love, comfort and support. We were right next to him every step of the way when he was crying or upset.
And that bond that I was worried about? It became STRONGER between us. The best part of this story? Max became a completely different child once his sleeps needs were met. He nursed better. He laughed and played. He had a smile on his face all the time. Before he learned how to sleep, people including myself described him as colicky, high needs and spirited.
Because he was happier and well rested, I was also happier and well rested Mom. When new people meet my children, and me one of the first things they say is how attached we are to one another. They say they can see and feel the bond between us.
Clients that have come from The Leaky Boob community and other attachment parenting pages say that I “bridge the gap”.
Here is one of them:
Brylan is still sleeping very well! His naps have gotten better and are about an hour each. This morning he actually slept for 1.5 hours! That was really great. It has been so nice to see the surprised/relieved look on the sitter’s face when she realized that hiring you to help us was actually going to pay off for all of us!
I would love, love, love to do what you are doing, Pam. In our society, everyone treats the way we parent as such a black and white thing. Attachment parenting is so much better than putting your child in a stroller. Co-sleeping vs. independent sleeping. Baby led weaning vs. Parent led weaning. Etc., etc., etc.
It’s not though…there is middle ground and there is gray area. I think that the most important thing we can give our children is the ability to get and stay asleep. That is the middle ground for everyone. There is no denying the need for sleep. Best of all, you can teach your child to art of sleep without feeling like you are denying them the love and attention they need and deserve. Thank you for helping us to see the “middle ground.”
Another thing – it may just be a coincidence, but since Brylan has been sleeping more, he has grown leaps and bounds with his motor skills! Really-he went from wanting to be held ALL the time, to wanting to crawl, pull-up, and be on the go all the time. I really think that it is because his sleep has improved so much.
Pam-really, I could HUG you!
Amanda and Andrew Little, Sulphur, Louisiana
Am I for everyone? No, I WISH I could help people sometimes co-sleep and other times have their children sleep independently in their cribs or their beds. I am now a Single Mom and even though my kids do not ask to sleep with me, I want to sleep with them!
However, many of my clients room-share successfully with their children either by choice (they want them close by) or out of necessity, by having them sleep in their own crib or bassinet in the same room as mom and/or dad. I offer a complimentary 15-minute telephone consultation to anyone who would like to learn more about my methods and me. I know. I was once there as a parent. It is EXTREMELY important that you can ask your questions, share your concerns, get a feel for them and their methods before you trust them with the most precious thing in the world – your child. Thank you again for this opportunity to chat with you on Facebook!”